The Marijuana Testimony

My whole life I've made an idol out of smoking marijuana. To simply be able to say this for me is an amazingly freeing thing. I justified using it through medical marijuana for my back problems and assumed I would do it all my life. But now God has delivered me in a miraculous and patiently merciful way.Here's my story in a nutshell :

I was first introduced to marijuana at my high school in Los Alamos, New Mexico. I fell in love with the way it made me feel right away. There wasn't anything much to do in this small town out in the pine saturated mountains except to have bonfire parties in the woods and throw big bashers at our friends houses when their parents were out of town. So over time I became a major pothead and drinker too. At first I wanted to fit in so I just did what everyone else was doing; experiment with various drugs. But then I started to enjoy it and partying became a staple of my lifestyle.
So I smoked all the way through college blowing my money on it just as my friends did. I even took money advances off my credit card to buy ounces of weed. I had a $5,000 limit on my card and within 2 years of school my card was maxed out. Lots of carne asada burritos too!
I came to San Diego after 2 years of college and I was introduced to medical marijuana by my tennis coach in El Cajon. I told him that I had severe scoliosis and he suggested I call a number to see a doctor about a prescription. So I went and received my certification for medical marijuana and I looked at the document and it said I could possess up to 1 pound and grow 24 plants...legally! That's when a light bulb went off. I can actually grow weed...legally!! What a concept I thought. So I took some of the money that I received recently from an inheritance and bought some equipment. Thus beginning my journey of growing weed.
I started doing more research on medical marijuana and saw all the amazing benefits and how it helped so many people with myriads of diseases. I was on a mission to convince my family that marijuana was my medicine now and that it was good for my health. I tried to get them to read pamphlets about it but they refused. I thought, "Well, if they want to keep their head in the sand than that's fine by me!" Without their support I felt more isolated and thrusted myself deeper into the medical world. I remember reading a brochure on how marijuana helped cancer patients. Since half my family including my Dad passed away from cancer I became convinced I found the one cause I could fight for in their name. Even though they rejected it all their lives! The one thing I thought was that if my Dad had taken medical marijuana for his cancer it could have saved his life or at least made it more peaceful up to the end. I actually thought for a long time God led me to this discovery to go out and let everyone know that the plant that He made could actually save lives. This was my gospel!
So I went through a couple years of growing attempts with little success and actually was kicked out of a few places. The fact that the cops didn't really get involved was simply the grace of God! (This will all be explained in much more detail in the book I write!)
As the years went by I felt lonelier and lonelier. The weed comforted me but my true desire was to have relationships with others. But friends came and went and I realized I needed to find real friends that wouldn't just be there when times were good and I was able to give them something...like weed of course! I made a commitment to go back to the Rock church where I went on and off through the years. Up to now I would go there when I felt so bad I just needed a lift. It hit me that this may be my only chance to find real relationships that counted, that would truly last. After several months of regular church attendance I started to see I had to really get involved with ministry to find these "friends" I was looking for. Eventually I became involved in the 1825 ministry and a home group, even though I was still a heavy smoker and growing as well.
I hated the idea of getting a job or career out in the world so I convinced myself that I had to get into ministry. I figured what could be better than being in full time ministry and finding a career in that! Through a series of events I was led to the school Impact 195 (which is a whole other story in itself). This is where my perspectives in life began to change. I went on trips to Catalina island, a mission trip to Haiti and also a retreat to Big Bear. Each trip was at least a week to 2 weeks long. I wrestled with whether to take the medicine a great deal before I went on the Catalina trip since I had not been without it for a period of time as this. I told a few close friends at impact and they even suggested I let the leaders know about it since it was my medicine. I ultimately decided to tough it out and go on this 6 day backpacking trip knowing that I was to carry a 50 lb. pack on my back all day long for 6 days and sleep in a tent on a ground pad. It honestly was really scary for me. But it was partially out of my fear of being exposed that I didn't tell the leaders about it. I also realized it was possible for me to go through this from my experience at Cowles Mountain where I suffered great physical pain but resisted smoking since at the time I was determined to quit (another journal entry I'll post).
The Catalina trip ended up being a blast and I didn't actually need the medicine, but as soon as I arrived home the first thing I did was smoke a bowl! I thought, "Wow, I can't believe I got through this, I think I need to smoke now."Like I deserved a reward or something. The same thing happened after the Haiti trip. My back was annihilated after that trip (as many people who went can attest to), so I smoked and went right back into it again. I basically just figured that God was ok with me doing it since apparently I needed it. But something changed after the Nehemiah trip. On this trip I laid down all the idols I could think of and made a covenant with the Lord for each of them. As I walked into my room after the short trip back I sat down at my computer and one of the first things I did was pick up my bong. It was already packed. I ended up putting it back down and I repeated this process like 5 times, without taking a hit. I think back and I believe something was urging me not to do it as each time I hesitated to smoke. After that I heard God clearly speak to me and He asked me, "You're back is not in pain right now is it?" As I sat and pondered this for a minute or so, I said, "Wow, you're right it's not!" At that moment I suddenly realized that I was making this an idol since I was desiring to smoke it anyway, even though I wasn't in pain. What I realized is that I'm always in some form of pain having severe scoliosis but I was treating the symptom and not the cause. Previously in my life the Lord showed me that when I worked out at the gym, did stretches, ate a proper diet and also went to a chiropractor I wouldn't need any form of medicine. It occurred to me that I was being lazy to do these things possibly just so I could smoke and continue to justify it.
In that moment I made a commitment to quit and give my idol of smoking marijuana to the Lord, sealing it with a covenant, just as I did with all my other idols at Nehemiah in Big Bear. The next day I told my mentor Dave Brown about it and he suggested I get rid of the rest of the weed that I had left. So I said, "Ok I'll burn it!" He was like, "Uhh I don't think that's a good idea!" (haha) So he told me to flush it down the toilet. I was reluctant at first since I knew I could get a few hundred dollars from my friends who would be glad to take it off my hands. Dave told me that if I didn't flush it down that night that I would owe him a hundred dollars since I told him I would. He reminded me that accountability doesn't mean anything unless you stand to lose something. So I did it. I flushed about 2 ounces of chronic down the toilet with pics to prove it. I'm going on over 3 months sober and God has completely taken the desire away. The funny thing is that my back feels much better than it ever did since I quit smoking. I believe the Lord has blessed me and restored my back in an amazing way. Praise God, only He could have taken me from the bondage of smoking marijuana, and anyone who knows me in my past would basically have to say there is a God since I truly have been delivered from smoking marijuana with no desire to do it anymore! "I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols." Ezekiel 36:25. Thank you Lord for cleansing me from my idol of marijuana!