God Is FAITHFUL!

       I have to share some significant things that have happened to me in the last few days.

       To give you a back story I've been struggling in my finances for the last 2 months. Before this time for over 3 years I was in a place of surplus where I was never behind on paying a bill or not have what I needed to live. For starters, my employer has not been giving me much work in the last 2 months. Then about a week ago I was banned from a company for something I was falsely accused of saying. I also have a roommate that was unable to pay rent for one month and only had half the rent for the next month due to his own financial hardship. So basically I'm at the point where I'm behind on several bills, I was driving without insurance and registration (which is something I will explain in a minute) and I couldn't pay my rent and it got to the point where my electricity was on the verge of being shut off.

     In the last month, several times I was in the place where I almost couldn't even buy food for myself for the day and in the meantime behind on all my bills. I honestly started questioning God saying, "Why am I going through this right now? I've been faithful with giving even when it's been hard and yet I'm experiencing financial lack for a while now. I'm also not getting work now because I was falsely accused of something. Why is this happening?" I wrestled with this for weeks but reached out for prayer often and no matter what I knew I wasn't going to compromise on tithing.

       So last week I got to the point where I realized that if I didn't start working by the following week I would be in real trouble. During this time I started going to a new church called SD Church and was invited to be on the worship team. I had to travel three times a week to Mission Valley and the beach area for practice and the church service. Even though I didn't have much money I knew God wanted me there and so I just let go of the idea I was going to run out of money soon, as far as worrying about it.

       And the last thing I have to mention concerns my car. What started as a prospective $800 job to get my car back on the road turned into almost $2,500 in expenses over a period of three months. It took my mechanic 6 weeks to finish an overhaul on my car and I was only able to afford a rental car for about 2 weeks of that time to work. After the car was fixed I thought that trial was over. But it turned out there was a misfire on one of the cylinders. My mechanic tried everything he could but couldn't fix it. I then took it to the dealer and went through a long process with them, and long story short, they couldn't fix the problem! The service clerk ended up giving me my money back because he felt bad for me. As a last resort he mentioned I could try one last thing that might get the code off in order for the car to pass smog. I did what he said and my mechanic told me to drive the car about 80 miles after he cleared the code then I could bring it in for a smog if the light didn't come back on. So I drove about 70 miles and then the check engine light came on.

       The next day I took it to Pep Boys and had them check the code and sure enough the misfire was still there. I thought that was the end of it. As I drove away after about a minute the check engine light disappeared so I called Pep Boys to ask if they cleared the code. They said they didn't. At that moment I honestly felt like something told me to go get it smogged right then. I was only hoping the check engine light wouldn't come back on before I got there haha. So I got it smogged and amazingly it passed! I was in shock. Right after that I took it to the DMV and received my tags without a problem. 

      It's crazy to me that for 2 months straight I worked with my mechanic to try to fix the misfire and he must have checked and cleared the code ten times throughout this process, but every time he checked it the code remained. I also confirmed it an hour before I went to get it smogged that the code was still there, yet the smog technician didn't read it on his scanner. That's why I truly believe this was a miracle! This experience happened last Thursday.

     The following day I had a job interview from applying to a job on Wednesday and it was the first job I've applied for in years. And to my surprise they hired me and wanted me to start on Monday! I was just thinking, 'What is going on right, now this is crazy! Thank you Lord!'

    Then that same day right after the interview, the leader of my worship team invited me over to his house. I thought he just wanted to practice worship songs. He cooked me a meal and after I was done he walked up to me and handed me an envelope and said, "This is for you." I opened it and it had all the money I needed for rent plus extra. At first I didn't know what to think and I was in a state of somewhat disbelief. I was very humbled though and I thanked him for it. He then told me God put it on his heart to give to me financially and that he also asked other members of the team if they wanted to pitch in. So he drove around town that morning to pick up money from each person that contributed. I was blown away and I told him and everyone that I was 'almost' going to cry LOL. 

    As I spent time with the Lord thanking him for all these things that happened in those two days I realized he was confirming his faithfulness in the most powerful way I believe I possibly ever experienced, namely concerning finances. This was a Kairos moment for me. God was teaching me that his word is true and that I truly can test him in the area of finances and that He always comes through even if it's at the last minute.

    I feel like this is for someone out there who may be in a similar situation. You've been faithful with your finances and tithing and yet right now you're experiencing lack in that area. I hope this is an encouragement to you that God will come through every time because He is faithful, so I exhort you to not compromise on your tithe because of your circumstances. Not only does he promise to bless you in that area but he is working on your heart in the process. And that is a beautiful thing because that means you will grow in character. God is FAITHFUL!

Malachi 3:10
Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.

My Love Letter to Jesus

Today, I simply want to write a love letter to Jesus. I realize a lot of my writing has been expressing myself. I would like to tell Jesus how much I love him. So here goes:

Dear Jesus,

I love you! You are so amazing. I have no words to describe your glory. I am overwhelmed by your grace. I am in awe of your faithfulness and majesty. You are sovereign in my life and to that I am truly thankful. You have never left nor forsaken me, there's no where else I can turn but to you. You've relentlessly pursued my heart as Jacob pursued Rachel. You never gave up on me, even when I spat in your face, when I turned my back on you and your provision. Even as I cursed at you and blamed you for not getting what I felt I deserved, you were preserving me and sustaining me through all the highs and lows of my life and you loved me in my most wretched state, as much as when my heart was most tender toward you. I'm so thankful that as much as I complained about not getting what I deserved you didn't give it to me. The reality is that I deserved death, sorrow, and even eternal seperation from you. When I deserved to be rejected, you chose me and accepted me. When I deserved to be isolated and abandoned, you drew near. When I deserved to be condemned for all the wickedness in my heart and all the sin I committed, you had mercy and forgave me. When I deserved to be left desolate and wanting, you enriched me and filled my cup to overflowing. When I deserved poverty and emptiness, you esteemed me and gave me every spiritual blessing in the heavenlies. When I deserved separation and brokenness, you sealed me by your spirit and made me whole. When I deserved death, you gave me life in abundance. When I deserved endless pain, you brought comfort. When I deserved to be left on my own as an orphan without a home, you adopted me and made me a son and a citizen of heaven. When I thought you had left me on the streets to perish, you were building a place for me in heaven. When I was lost and unfixable, you found me and redeemed me. When I felt like the world was caving in on me and consuming me, you were holding me in your hands. When I deserved punishment, you rewarded me with favor. When the storm shipwrecked me, you calmed the seas and made my way straight. When I had no direction, you had works for me to walk in before the foundation of the world and when I thought I missed out on what I thought I had, you were restoring all that which the locusts ate. When I felt alone and cut off from everyone including you, you were restoring intimacy with me. When my heart was deceitful and wicked, you gave me a new heart. And when all the good that I did was filthy rags in your sight, you gave me and made me the righteousness of Christ.

You are perfection in its finest form. You're in all things and you own all things, Your love and grace is boundless. Your wonder is beyond explanation. When everything in my life was chaos and a mess, you brought stability and carefully articulated all that was my life to work everything for my good, even what I thought was bad. When my thoughts were vain, you renewed my mind. Although my perspective was severely skewed, you gave me yours. In all my times of longing, you were my sufficiency. When I had no strength you empowered me by your spirit. When I couldn't fight to save my life, you made me a soldier and warrior in your army. Everything else pales in comparison to your holiness. You deserve all praise, therefore I sing to you a new song. My heart is overwhelmed with thankfulness for all that you are. Your greatness is too great to fathom. I will worship before you all the days of my life. I could go on and on of your goodness and eternity isn't long enough to describe or behold it. I simply come to you as your servant and bow before you with awe of all that you are. All I can do is throw myself at your feet and say, ''Here I am Lord, do with me as you wish, send me wherever you want to send me. I surrender all of who I am and ask that you reign in every area of my life. For I am Yours and You are mine and nothing can separate us now. I give all that I have and all that I am to you. Let me know your ways oh God, that I may find favor in your sight." Amen!

Yours Truly,
Erik Gaudur

Down By the River

Such a hidden gem this place is. It's amazing to think of how peaceful nature can be. When you get away from the crowds, and the malls, and the traffic, it's as though your thoughts can finally settle and your mind becomes at ease. It's like a refreshing drink of revitalization to the soul which brings forth procession. It's as though the sea of green leaves hovering in front of me are whispering, 'Shhh...be still and as you listen to the breeze flow through me, reflect on my Creator's majesty, and the rippling water cries out, ''Consider me and and the serenity I bring, and you will see my Maker's splendor!
So often wer're surrounded by man made things that it can cause our mind's to stay on carnal things, the things of man. Many times we get caught up in business and into a mode of doing that we forget that God desires to meet us in the stillness of our day. Nature beckons us to quiet our hearts and just listen. He created things that we might be mindful of Him through those things. I found for me I often must slip away from the surrounding of man made things that seem to be constantly around me, and surround myself with God's creation, that I may become still before Him, in order that I may hear from Him, what He wants to speak to me.
Lord, forgive me for forgetting how your creation is constantly available to remind me of your goodness and the wonders of your mighty, creative hand. And that you wait for me to set aside my plans and make an appointment to meet with you and not to simply meet with you along the way through the midst of the plans of my day. Forgive me for becoming distracted into thinking I have to control my day. Let me be as a branch connected to the vine, for I know that apart from you I can do nothing. Let me not strive to accomplish tasks but to simply thrive in your presence, for Your word says that in Your presence is fullness of joy. Let my soul become quiet, like a weaned child before you, that I may be ready and able to hear your voice. To 'Be still and know that you are God!'

The Marijuana Testimony

My whole life I've made an idol out of smoking marijuana. To simply be able to say this for me is an amazingly freeing thing. I justified using it through medical marijuana for my back problems and assumed I would do it all my life. But now God has delivered me in a miraculous and patiently merciful way.Here's my story in a nutshell :

I was first introduced to marijuana at my high school in Los Alamos, New Mexico. I fell in love with the way it made me feel right away. There wasn't anything much to do in this small town out in the pine saturated mountains except to have bonfire parties in the woods and throw big bashers at our friends houses when their parents were out of town. So over time I became a major pothead and drinker too. At first I wanted to fit in so I just did what everyone else was doing; experiment with various drugs. But then I started to enjoy it and partying became a staple of my lifestyle.
So I smoked all the way through college blowing my money on it just as my friends did. I even took money advances off my credit card to buy ounces of weed. I had a $5,000 limit on my card and within 2 years of school my card was maxed out. Lots of carne asada burritos too!
I came to San Diego after 2 years of college and I was introduced to medical marijuana by my tennis coach in El Cajon. I told him that I had severe scoliosis and he suggested I call a number to see a doctor about a prescription. So I went and received my certification for medical marijuana and I looked at the document and it said I could possess up to 1 pound and grow 24 plants...legally! That's when a light bulb went off. I can actually grow weed...legally!! What a concept I thought. So I took some of the money that I received recently from an inheritance and bought some equipment. Thus beginning my journey of growing weed.
I started doing more research on medical marijuana and saw all the amazing benefits and how it helped so many people with myriads of diseases. I was on a mission to convince my family that marijuana was my medicine now and that it was good for my health. I tried to get them to read pamphlets about it but they refused. I thought, "Well, if they want to keep their head in the sand than that's fine by me!" Without their support I felt more isolated and thrusted myself deeper into the medical world. I remember reading a brochure on how marijuana helped cancer patients. Since half my family including my Dad passed away from cancer I became convinced I found the one cause I could fight for in their name. Even though they rejected it all their lives! The one thing I thought was that if my Dad had taken medical marijuana for his cancer it could have saved his life or at least made it more peaceful up to the end. I actually thought for a long time God led me to this discovery to go out and let everyone know that the plant that He made could actually save lives. This was my gospel!
So I went through a couple years of growing attempts with little success and actually was kicked out of a few places. The fact that the cops didn't really get involved was simply the grace of God! (This will all be explained in much more detail in the book I write!)
As the years went by I felt lonelier and lonelier. The weed comforted me but my true desire was to have relationships with others. But friends came and went and I realized I needed to find real friends that wouldn't just be there when times were good and I was able to give them something...like weed of course! I made a commitment to go back to the Rock church where I went on and off through the years. Up to now I would go there when I felt so bad I just needed a lift. It hit me that this may be my only chance to find real relationships that counted, that would truly last. After several months of regular church attendance I started to see I had to really get involved with ministry to find these "friends" I was looking for. Eventually I became involved in the 1825 ministry and a home group, even though I was still a heavy smoker and growing as well.
I hated the idea of getting a job or career out in the world so I convinced myself that I had to get into ministry. I figured what could be better than being in full time ministry and finding a career in that! Through a series of events I was led to the school Impact 195 (which is a whole other story in itself). This is where my perspectives in life began to change. I went on trips to Catalina island, a mission trip to Haiti and also a retreat to Big Bear. Each trip was at least a week to 2 weeks long. I wrestled with whether to take the medicine a great deal before I went on the Catalina trip since I had not been without it for a period of time as this. I told a few close friends at impact and they even suggested I let the leaders know about it since it was my medicine. I ultimately decided to tough it out and go on this 6 day backpacking trip knowing that I was to carry a 50 lb. pack on my back all day long for 6 days and sleep in a tent on a ground pad. It honestly was really scary for me. But it was partially out of my fear of being exposed that I didn't tell the leaders about it. I also realized it was possible for me to go through this from my experience at Cowles Mountain where I suffered great physical pain but resisted smoking since at the time I was determined to quit (another journal entry I'll post).
The Catalina trip ended up being a blast and I didn't actually need the medicine, but as soon as I arrived home the first thing I did was smoke a bowl! I thought, "Wow, I can't believe I got through this, I think I need to smoke now."Like I deserved a reward or something. The same thing happened after the Haiti trip. My back was annihilated after that trip (as many people who went can attest to), so I smoked and went right back into it again. I basically just figured that God was ok with me doing it since apparently I needed it. But something changed after the Nehemiah trip. On this trip I laid down all the idols I could think of and made a covenant with the Lord for each of them. As I walked into my room after the short trip back I sat down at my computer and one of the first things I did was pick up my bong. It was already packed. I ended up putting it back down and I repeated this process like 5 times, without taking a hit. I think back and I believe something was urging me not to do it as each time I hesitated to smoke. After that I heard God clearly speak to me and He asked me, "You're back is not in pain right now is it?" As I sat and pondered this for a minute or so, I said, "Wow, you're right it's not!" At that moment I suddenly realized that I was making this an idol since I was desiring to smoke it anyway, even though I wasn't in pain. What I realized is that I'm always in some form of pain having severe scoliosis but I was treating the symptom and not the cause. Previously in my life the Lord showed me that when I worked out at the gym, did stretches, ate a proper diet and also went to a chiropractor I wouldn't need any form of medicine. It occurred to me that I was being lazy to do these things possibly just so I could smoke and continue to justify it.
In that moment I made a commitment to quit and give my idol of smoking marijuana to the Lord, sealing it with a covenant, just as I did with all my other idols at Nehemiah in Big Bear. The next day I told my mentor Dave Brown about it and he suggested I get rid of the rest of the weed that I had left. So I said, "Ok I'll burn it!" He was like, "Uhh I don't think that's a good idea!" (haha) So he told me to flush it down the toilet. I was reluctant at first since I knew I could get a few hundred dollars from my friends who would be glad to take it off my hands. Dave told me that if I didn't flush it down that night that I would owe him a hundred dollars since I told him I would. He reminded me that accountability doesn't mean anything unless you stand to lose something. So I did it. I flushed about 2 ounces of chronic down the toilet with pics to prove it. I'm going on over 3 months sober and God has completely taken the desire away. The funny thing is that my back feels much better than it ever did since I quit smoking. I believe the Lord has blessed me and restored my back in an amazing way. Praise God, only He could have taken me from the bondage of smoking marijuana, and anyone who knows me in my past would basically have to say there is a God since I truly have been delivered from smoking marijuana with no desire to do it anymore! "I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols." Ezekiel 36:25. Thank you Lord for cleansing me from my idol of marijuana!

To All Worship Leaders and Musicians!

So I found myself sitting in the sanctuary of the church on a Saturday afternoon. Why you ask? Well, the church was putting on a rhythm clinic to exhort and educate rhythm players and musicians alike. I really didn't know what the clinic's activities would entail but I was nonetheless interested. I thought, 'Well, at the very least if I connect with a drummer that would be sweet!' I had no idea what I was in for.
As I walked toward the front I saw George sitting in the back row. He's one of my good friends in the choir. We chatted for a minute as we had not seen each other in quite awhile since we did worship together at a home fellowship months ago. As we were talking, Stefanie, who is the worship leader of the Rock church, encouraged everyone to take a seat as we were getting started. On stage Stef was sitting with her piano (of course) and a man was on drums and another man was standing with his bass guitar. She introduced the 2 players on the stage. The drummer's name was Nate Morton who is currently playing in Cher's band in Vegas and has played with several other professional acts in his career. The bass player was none other than the infamous Abe Labriel (I don't think I spelled that right I just heard her say it). This man has played with the likes of Madonna, Micheal Jackson, and so many others it's hard to list them all. He is the most decorated session player of his time playing on over 2,000 recordings. Yeah you heard me, over 2,000!! Something even most professionals couldn't comprehend!
So after the introductions they all started jamming together and I busted out my camera since I knew it was going to be video worthy. I didn't even have a clue! They went off for over 17 minutes and they all switched off in soloing and changed the tempo, melody and rhythm several times throughout. Totally epic! It was literally the best jam session I've ever witnessed with my two eyes and now I get to share it with everyone. How blessed is that!
After the jam Stef opened the floor for anyone who had questions. This was actually the juicy part. One of the first questions was actually a great one. Someone asked whether or not going to school really helped them in their profession as a musician? Since Stef, Abe, and Nate all graduated from the Berkellee school of music this was a meaty question. Stef started off by explaining that she was given a chance to sign a record deal before she went to school but her and her parents agreed it would be better to get the education first. She said it truly helped her have a strong overall ability to thrive in what she does and she looked back and saw it really helped her for longevity and she was so blessed to be able to give to the church all that she learned in school to be the best worship leader she can be at the Rock church. Her imparting words were this : "Just hear from the Lord and seek him and know that his design for your life, his path for you is unlike anyone elses and if you stay true to him you will be the most fulfilled." Abe stated that school was vital to his career. He challenged all of us if we know we have an ability and a gift from the Lord for music, it is our responsibility to become excellent in those abilites and gifts, to use all the tools available to you to give excellence to the Lord and people won't see you but Him working in your life. He emphasized that school is very important for this. He said both his sons used to say to him that they didn't need school to be professional musicians and had many arguments with them over the years. Eventually though, they went to Berkellee just as he did, and now they thank him everyday for encouraging them to go. They both are professional musicians themselves now. Then it was Nate's turn. He said a school like Berkellee was great since it was a safe environment where you could make plenty of mistakes to learn how to correct them and be corrected so that one day you don't get asked to play in a professional setting and for example if your brake pedal is squeeking and they ask you to fix it, but you can't, you'll be fired before you can even get off stage! Profound stuff. I think I want to go to Berkellee! Haha. I did have a chance to go to Musician's institute years ago but I didn't take it. I regretted it but I do believe God may have prevented me since my heart wasn't right. I was going to do it all for my glory. If I would have done it I may have never looked back and turned away from the Lord. All I can say is if you feel like school is what's right for you with music, get your heart right before the Lord first. He doesn't like arrogant musicians and can't use them. Every note we play and every time we get on stage we need to do it for his glory, not ours. Man will give us praise but we must point it all back to Him. Play with you're whole heart and it will minister to others and be received. And don't be the ball hogging point guard of your music. It's not about you being on front stage doing a solo. If you're in a band especially sometimes it's best not to play but let others take the lead. I'm especially talking to leaders of a band that think they have to do everything or things will fall apart. You'll end up with unhappy band members and the music will suffer and people will not be ushered into His presence.
As far as the schooling goes, I've been playing for 7 years now and haven't recieved any training. I realize I would be so much more excellent in my craft if I had training or schooling, but I was too lazy to go. All I can say is if you know you have a gifting for music, especially if you're young, heavily consider going to school. It's the biggest regret I have in my life. As a worship leader in training I know it's not at all about being a really great guitar player as though that hinders my ability to lead others into His presence. But I do see that those who are faithful and become excellent in their craft, God promotes them. God led me to Proverbs 22:29 today before I prepared this which says 'Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will serve before Kings, he will not serve before obscure men.'
For a long time I've been stuck in the idea that being a worship leader meant I can't really go much outside the basics since 'it wasn't about me, not my glory. Oh it's all about you Lord, I will humbly just play basic chords since doing a solo is vanity.' I believe in worship it's not about playing great licks that impress people but sometimes a song will call for a solo and ultimately we are in whatever environment to serve with our instrument. If the people or the song you're working with need just the basics, that's what you do. You don't say, 'Oh we should do this instead' and play some impressive lick. Abe said if you're diligent in playing the way you're asked eventually you may get a chance to bring your own ideas into the song. But again, it's not about us, we are there to serve others and the Lord in whatever is required of us. And if you are called to just play basic chords so you can simply play worship songs to lead then that's fine, there is many people where music may not be their gifting but they are great at leading others into worship. Ultimately it's not about the instrument you're playing, it's about your heart and about getting right before God and spending time with Him cause our entire life should be worship. But for those of us who know we've been given a gift and an ability, let's use them to our fullest capacity and use them with diligence for His glory! Remember, we will all give an account before the Lord what He has given us, let's be as excellence in our abilities as we possibly can.
Check out the video too on my facebook page, erik gaudur. This is what excellence is!!

The Stolen Bike Seat

The most amazing thing happened today, and my view of prayer will never be the same because of it.
I found myself at Old Town Transit Center (as I normally take the bus and trolley to get to Impact 195). I left my bike overnight at the station so I went to see if it was still there. Sure enough it was but someone had stolen the seat! I was pretty upset at first and I just got angry at the person who did it and shouted 'what is wrong with people!' then right after that I felt conviction about it and then felt great compassion for that person. It hurt to think that someone had to steal a bike seat to survive. My heart went out to the person instead of resenting them. I said, "Lord, whoever took the seat, convict their heart and bring them closer to you through this." Then something told me to be more specific so I said, "Lord, cause the person to be bringing the bike seat back as I come up to it so I get a chance to witness to him and then he get saved."
So I arrived at school and got a chance to share what happened since everyone asks 'how you're doing this morning' and I would say 'Oh not too good. My bike seat was stolen last night!' Then I shared the prayer I prayed. I was talking to Roxanne and when I told her she said 'Wow, that's a really bold prayer!' And I remember thinking to myself as though the thought just overcame me, "Is there any other way to pray?!" It was like a revelation in my spirit.
Class ended and Mike, Volkmar, and Roxanne met with me at Von's to have some lunch. We were there for quite awhile then I left with Mike and Volkmar to be dropped off at the trolley. Mike and Volk prayed for me and my car situation and I was off to pick up my bike. I began walking at the station and I saw that the Trolley car was coming in. People started getting off and as I looked over there was a door that was open and I saw a bike sticking out. It was blue and I noticed it was a schwinn just like mine. Immediately I thought, "Could that be??" Then I thought that was foolish and that there was no way my bike could be stolen in the middle of the day. But something told me to look and see if there was a seat so I took a peak. Lo and behold, no seat! I definitely had to get on at this point!! So I walked in and took one look at the bike and after 10 seconds I knew it was mine. I looked up and saw a guy standing by the bike and I looked at him and said, "Hey, where did you get this bike bro." He looked at me in a bit of shock and said, "I bought it." I asked him how much he bought it for and he told me 20 bucks! That's when I looked him straight in the eye and told him, "Because I gotta let you know that this is my bike. I know without a doubt this is my bike. It was just locked up over here and it must have been taken not long from now." He basically froze! I didn't want to raise a conflict so I offered to pay him the 20 dollars for the bike since that's what he supposedly paid for it. He refused in a bit of a standoffish way but basically let me have my bike back. At that point the conversation opened up and I asked him where he was going. He said he was going to El Cajon and I told him that's where I was going too. So now I was stuck on the trolley for 40 minutes with this guy! We shared a few things about each other and I told him of the school I was going to and that it was through the Rock church. And as soon as I said that he vibrantly said, "Oh yeah, the Rock church, I used to go there when it was at SDSU." I said, " Oh have you been to the new church, it's really awesome and there is so many more ministries now that are making a huge impact on the community." He said he had never been there so I invited him to go this Sunday. He said he would like to go as we continued to talk. I asked him what he did and he told me he never had a job in his entire life. Also that he never even went to any form of school all his life, he was just hustling. I started to feel compassion for him and then he told me he had a wife and 2 kids. I was heartbroken when he said that. Then he looked at me with true conviction in his eyes and said, "Yeah, I've been doing the Devil's work and I know it. I'm deep in the Devil's work." I was shocked to say the least. Then slowly I realized he was saved as I asked him and he assured me that he was. He told me his name was 'Mackk' but later as he felt comfortable around me he said his real name was Cedric and that he didn't want people to know that. I guess I don't blame him! As we got off the trolley I told him I wanted to pray for him so we sat down at a bench and talked for another 15 minutes then prayed for him. We exchanged numbers and I told him I would give him a call about church and that we'll just hang out some time too, maybe get lunch. He was down so we parted ways, but then after a minute God spoke to me and told me to give him the 20 dollars (he told me this while I was on the trolley but I forgot!). So I went to the corner where I thought he might be and I didn't see him at first but then I saw him off in the distance down the road. As I was riding toward him I sensed the Lord was telling me to give him another 20 dollars and that he would have something for me to say. I rode up to him and waited as he was on the phone then it was clear to me what I had to say. I told him ,"I wanted to give you this 20 dollars and then I'm also gonna give you another 20 dollars and just to tell you that God has an amazing plan for your life, that's not about money. (In our trolley conversations we both expressed how money was a king in our lives and basically how we both made money an idle but in different ways and different reasons). He basically agreed with me and I remember as I was leaving he looked at me and shouted, "Thanks bro, so much, now I can finally buy something to eat," as though a big sigh of relief came over him. I rode off toward the mall then I went to Arby's by my house and wrote like 8 pages to capture the story. They had to kick me out of there I stayed so late!
I arrived at class the next day and began to tell everyone what had happened. I must have told like 3 or 4 people the whole story before class. I was excited to tell Roxanne since she knew specifically of the prayer so I walked up to her and said, "Hey Roxanne, you remember that prayer about my bike?" She said, "Yeah" And I looked at her with a big grin and just said, "Well, guess what?" She lit up saying, "Shut up, shuuuut up!" She couldn't believe it and her reaction was golden. She was literally in awe and I could see that she was immediately touched by the Holy Spirit. She was in awe of what God had done, and so was I!!
One thing I want to share from this experience is that God has done an amazing work in my heart concerning the issue of prayer. I see now that I used prayer as a tool to get what I wanted from the Lord and I was really building a life of self. My prayers were so weak and praying for others was an arduous task since I was so self focused. I never understood what it meant to have a desire to pray. Then after this incident the Lord stirred my heart radically and began cultivating a burning desire to pray. He kept reassuring me how powerful prayer is as I meditated on what happened. I then found myself praying for people on the bus and trolley as God just led me to them and they would start telling me of a problem then I would pray for them. God helped me to see that my prayers were focused on what I was going to get for me and I only prayed to someone else benefit as long as it benefited me. God sparked in me a heart of prayer for others and after this day my view of prayer was forever changed. He revealed to me that my prayers don't have to be long but just specific and to the point and that we should believe in all boldness that our prayers will be answered. As Jesus said in Matthew 17:20-21 "For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. And nothing will be impossible for you."